I Just Can't Quit You: My Ode to My Blog Obsession..and Other Ramblings...

I must admit: I have a thing for blogging. 

I did actually import ALL my blog entries from THIS blog to my OTHER blog-ya know to try and reduce the number of individual blogs I have out there...but checking my old blog site and seeing that it was all neglected with no views just broke my heart. 

So, what's a writing obsessed, slightly self-absorbed chick with a touch of megalomania to do?? Well...just re-ignite the old blog, of course!  

Who cares that I have three blogs? There's no rule that says I can't have more than one place to ramble about the goings on in my headspace! 

Surely, someone else out there understands what I'm talking about! 

...and even if no one out there understands, that's not about to make me change...    

It's 2013, for goodness sake! I'm breaking all sorts of imaginary rules this year!! 

Alrighty, enough of that.
Let the written ramblings begin!!  

Oh, Gwyneth! You Silly Girl...

Okay, so I was challenged to write about topics that were given to me by some Facebook Friends.

NO BIG DEAL, right? Well, of course my interesting mix of Facebook Buddies would lay at my feet some of the MOST difficult, thought provoking and controversial topics they could come up with.

This entry's topic comes from my good buddy, Carly Nickerson. Shout out to this lovely wife and mother. I hope that this blog entry is all you hoped it could be!

The Topic: Gwyneth Paltrow's Infamous Tweet:
 ("N------s in Paris for real!")<<<--- loosely quoting the tweet.


Gwyneth has everyone going crazy, right now. So many Entertainment News sources have been carrying this story. So many people have had discussions, even up to heated arguments about this little ol' tweet from a dainty celebrity.

Here's the first half of my thoughts on the issue:

You know what came to mind, when I heard about this story?: There's no such thing as BAD publicity.

Isn't that Hollywood 101?  I don't think that Gwyneth had any malicious intent. I DO, however, think she knew exactly what she was doing, though.  You know why I feel that way? Because, Gwyneth is a White, United States American, Woman, that's why. She knows the power of THAT word. C'mon. You know it's true.

She totally tweeted that message to get SOME sort of reaction. Isn't she currently working on Iron Man 3? I'm just sayin....

I will say, though, that SOME white people truly think that they TOTALLY have "provisional black card" privileges because they have "black friends." I know PLENTY of white people who confuse being around black people who say THAT word in FRONT of them with having the right to use the word themselves.

Now, I don't know about YOU...but to ME, Gwyneth strikes me as one of those "white ladies" who only has like one REALLY good black friend---maybe. I don't know her personally, obviously. But I would  say that the black folks she went to Paris with are the extent of her venture into blackpeopledom.

So, with all of those things considered, I think Gwyneth was out of line...but I feel she knew she would be and she took a calculated risk ---for the publicity. I mean, she has nearly 1 million Twitter followers. She knew SOMEONE could potentially get offended.

Onto the second side of my thoughts on this "tweet-paux"

Non-black people get set up, all the time, by this stupid word. The situation was DEFINITELY a set-up in this instance because the artists knew what they were doing when they NAMED THE ALBUM.  

You know how I know that? Because Jay-Z and Kanye are Black, United States American, Men, that's why. THEY totally know the power of THAT word. C'mon. You know it's true.

They also know that they are cross-over artists and that the majority of their fan base are DIE HARD fans. Meaning, they know every word and they RECITE every word---out loud...with passion.

Therefore, if you put 100 n-words in your 3 minute song, you're fully aware that you're creating a verbal landmine for your fans. Even if the average fan was generally great at self-censure, they're gonna slip up at least one time.

I also feel there's a terrible double standard about the word. I mean, rightfully so. Our history with the word makes it a sore reality from both sides. "We" use it and "They" use it...but they better not get caught using it...or else. Yeah, that's the double standard.

Black people are constantly making up arbitrary rules for when and how the word can or cannot be used and for when we will and will not be offended. Shucks, I'm BLACK and even I get confused sometimes.

Of course, hands down--if you say the word, with the "er" on it, while you're angry, out loud, to my face, trying to hurt me...you're a racist. That's the baseline...but what about all those other "gray area" usages? Is reciting a lyric okay? Is using the title of a song as a sentence not okay?

I blame the artists on this one. They WANTED the publicity and the controversy. Please believe it. They could have named their song anything but they chose to name it "N----s in Paris."

Evil geniuses, that's what they are....in THIS case.

Bottom line: I still like Gwyneth. I still find her dainty and sweet...and reaaally, reaaaallly white. *smile* Life goes on.

The Upper Crust vs. The Bottom Feeders

I have been thinking a lot about the fact that most people do nothing with their lives. I mean it.


Most people are content to remain mediocre, to not stand out---shucks--they don't even work hard when pushed to work hard.

 They LITERALLY resist any force exerted upon them to make them "better." I've decided to call these people "bottom feeders."

I don't know what creates a bottom feeder. I don't know why they exist. I've asked around. I don't yet have a good answer yet.

The good news is that my level of frustration about them has subsided a bit. I have had an epiphany and I think it has changed my life. I decided that everyone has a role to play and people play their part well--for better or worse.

The skill comes in knowing how to deal with people where they are and not where you would like them to be.

It's not enough to ask someone to be a better worker, partner, friend or a better person in general. You must observe people, record your findings about them (making a mental note) and then implement the appropriate "tools" or behaviors, in order to get what you need done and without hurting yourself or others (meaning "them").

The people who are driven crazy the MOST by bottom feeders are usually people who I will classify as the "upper crust."

These people are ambitious, driven to succeed, empathetic individuals who are not content to sit down and watch life pass them by. On the contrary, they want to make something happen. They want to make all of their dreams come true, reach every goal, win EVERY time.

Now, this is not about Good people vs. Bad People. This entry is strictly about those who make things happen vs. those who let things happen.

What's interesting is that sometimes, you cannot tell who is a bottom feeder, right away. This is why it's important to observe what people do. You have to wait to see results. If someone swears they're going to do big things, work really hard and fast to make a plan succeed---you may, at first, assume that this individual is part of the "upper crust." Don't be fooled! If they let the deadlines come and go, if they have only excuses and fail to produce results or they never seem to do things correctly, even after being shown how to do them again and again---YOU HAVE ENCOUNTERED A BOTTOM FEEDER...or maybe the bottom feeder is YOU.

How do you handle a bottom feeder? The answer is: In small doses.

Here's the thing: You can NEVER leave a critical component or the important piece of a project in the hands of a bottom feeder. It's NOT going to get done the way you need it to.

Sure, your bottom feeder has a natural talent but they lack the know-how or the willingness to take their natural talent to its full potential. They can't take their skills beyond the neighborhood---it requires too much and they're just not up for that sort of challenge.

If you need something from a bottom feeder, make sure they're your last resort or ensure that what you need from them can technically be replaced by something else---in the likelihood that they don't come through.

Another thing to remember: NEVER go into partnership or business with a bottom feeder. It won't work out. These people either don't know, don't show or don't care about the details of business (yes, you just got Doughboyed---that just happened, deal with it.)

Before you decide to sign on the dotted line, it's best to "test" your person to see if they have bottom feeder qualities. Ask yourself: 1. Are they always late? 2. Do they make promises but then never come through? 3. Do you find that you argue about the importance of the "hard-work" component of life and business? 

If you answered yes to these questions, you're dealing with a bottom feeder and you should refrain from a business partnership with this person---for your own sake and sanity.

If you can help it: NEVER get emotionally vested in a bottom feeder. Are they fine? Do they have a big booty and a smile? Yes, but do they pay their bills or do they always ask you for money? Are they always talking about how "such and such and so and so" hate on them so much or do they describe a world in which they're ALWAYS the victim?

RUN. You are dealing with a bottom feeder. Bottom feeders notoriously blame others for their own shortcomings. They are NOT about to take responsibility for anything...because that requires a level of self awareness which may be painful and unpleasant and bottom feeders rather have fun and what not...

(sighs)

So, ask yourself, are you a bottom feeder? Are you "upper crust?" Are you mad at this blog entry?

I'm only making an observation. I am not an expert in sociology or psychology or any other science of determination and of people.

I only know what I know. What I know...is .....people play their part. I know what part I play. Do you?

-D

The Love Rant: That "One" Love

I need to issue a disclaimer for this blog entry. Well, I suppose it's more of an announcement than a disclaimer...but I digress.

I need to state, for the record, that I am NOT a free-loving kind of person. It takes a lot for me to fall in love. I'm not one of those people who HAS to be involved with someone, in order to feel special.

I'm not a typical "chick."  Here's what I mean:

1. I HATE chick-flicky, romantical comedies or romance-y fuzzy love fest movies of any kind.
2. I very rarely say "I love you, " first.
3. I have NEVER envisioned my entire wedding day...and I think it's creepy when women go on and on about their wedding, when they don't even have boyfriend prospects.

Now, with that being said, I think that love is very important. I believe that it's a decision and an action word more so than a feeling. I think that feelings change like the wind but that love is a constant---until you decide to let it go. Even then, I think that once you fall in love with someone, a little piece of that love can still remain between two people. I also think that HATE is NOT the opposite of love. APATHY is the opposite of love. Hate is just Love twisted inside out.

Okay...now onto my thoughts on That "One" Love:

I have come to a personal conclusion. In my opinion, you (the hypothetical "you") will only have ONE super deep, soul searing love in your life.

This ONE love will make it impossible for any future loves to get as close- ever again.

I don't know why. I'm no expert. I just record my own experiences & observe things in others.

It's human nature to protect oneself from circumstances that have previously caused injury. It's why we don't touch a hot stove (on purpose) once we've been burned the first time.

Therefore, I believe that should that "one" love end with hurt and pain, you won't love that way a second time.

Let me define this "one" love that I speak of.

This love:

is carefree
is a seed that sinks to the deepest place of your heart and grows near the core of your entire being
is a love that surprises you
is a love that comes in like the wildest & strongest infatuation but lingers well after "puppy love" should expire
is where you love someone DESPITE & BECAUSE OF their flaws, at the same time
is where you hate to love them & never tire of them
is without caution or reservations
is where you let them peer into the most sacred & darkest corners of your heart & reveal to them the secrets that you never allow anyone to see & they do the same
is where you share ever detail of every thought you have, no matter how jacked up and twisted without fear because this person really SEES you & they're not afraid .
is where you can debate and argue and fuss but you never get sick of hearing their points of view
is where you see yourself with them for eternity without even thinking twice.

If you're lucky & blessed enough to have this person stay with you forever--good for you, well done, fantastic! But, if you're like most of us, this probably won't happen.

People are people...and sometimes things don't work out. It sucks...and the heartbreak that this type of love creates is almost without comparison...and it brings me to my point.

Should your "one" love end, I guarantee no one will be able to make you feel this way again.

I'm not saying you'll never fall in love again. I think that it's possible to fall in love many times. I just believe that once you have had THIS love...if  you EVER break up with that person...you will never open up the same way afterwards.

Losing that "one" love is like having a tsunami hit the shore of your soul and destroy everything you built there. Some say that they literally felt their heart split in half. I think that your heart breaks so hard that the devastation leaves a deep and permanent scar on your psyche.

It's a pain that no one is willing to endure more than ONCE. 

I think any subsequent loves you have will be markedly different.  The next loves will NOT be the carefree, soul exposing love you had before.

I believe the scar left by that "one" love will not allow for anyone else to reach those certain depths--like real scar tissue...they cover a place that was once tender and easily exposed.

Even if you fall in love and call the new love your soul mate.

How can you call anyone after that "one" love your soul mate? You ask... Easy...your criteria for a mate will have changed.

You can find someone else to be close to. They will make you laugh. You'll be very compatible. You'll get along with their family & friends and you'll thoroughly enjoy each other intimately...yep, all of that.

You'll let the next love in...but not THAT far in.You won't open yourself up and give as much of yourself as you did before. No way.

If you are in a place where you still have to deal with the person with whom you shared that "one" love, you know it can be tricky, especially, if you still get along. You have to be careful...

They still make you weak. They still know how to push your buttons.

God forbid you two still have a mutual, physical attraction...that's the worst. You will find yourself either giving in or doing a loooooooooot of work to avoid certain situations.

Your current love may even recognize what's going on. They may say things like "The way you look at them is different from the way you look at me." Of course YOU'LL say "Don't be ridiculous."  or something like that...but on the inside...you know they're right...

Anyway...the point of my love rant is this: You'll only get this love one time...just once. I don't know why...that's just the way it is....

I don't think that this love has to be your FIRST love. I also don't think that two people will necessarily be that "one" love to each other at the same time. Sometimes, one person is in that "one" love...while they're partner has already had that "one" love and YOU are their subsequent love...so they're not giving you all of them.

I think that's why there is so much heart break. I think if two people match love for love, they will be so linked that the odds are in their favor. They will probably stay together. However, if there's a mismatch...well...no need to re-hash my point...you get it.

So, go ahead, feel free to love. Just remember to be selective with who you give your heart to. It's only gonna be tender one time. I guarantee it.

The Mistress Club: The Beginning

Where were they? What was taking them so long? Vivian looked at her watch impatiently. 

It didn't usually take the girls this long to show up for drinks. They were never on time--but never this late. 

What could be the problem? Vivian wondered to herself. 

Just then, Jacqueline and Gabrielle walked in, looking irritated and disheveled. 

"What in the world happened to ya'll? Vivian asked, genuinely concerned.


Jacqueline glanced behind her, before answering.
 "Uuuggh! Mark happened." She replied. "Gabby was waiting to pick me up, when Mark rolled up to my house all with attitude. Apparently, someone told him that they saw me at the club last Sunday, hugged up with some random dude. So, Mark showed up to make sure that it wasn't true. TRANSLATION: He wanted to argue and accuse me of being hugged up with some random dude!" 


Vivian and Gabrielle shook their heads. 

"Oh, he's back on that again?" asked Vivian.


Things with Jacqueline and Mark were always VERY dramatic. 


Gabrielle sighed and patted the top of her head. "For a married man, he sure is rather possessive."


Jacqueline rolled her eyes at Gabrielle. "I know you're not gonna start with me, today." 


Gabrielle feigned shock. "I'm only stating a fact. Don't get all upset with me. I'm not the one running up on you like a gangsta. Humph!"


Gabrielle had a valid point. Jacqueline conceded. "Yeah, okay. I guess I need to get things straight with him--Again. I can't keep going through this."


It was a common topic of discussion amongst the three friends: the mistress/husband double standard. How is it that they could have their wives but the other women were expected to remain dateless?


Jacqueline and Gabrielle had finally settled at the table with Vivian. 


Vivian looked over to her girlfriends and smiled. How strange that they were so different yet the commonality of their romantic situations made them as thick as thieves. 


Vivian thought back to how they had met each other five years ago. 


She had attended a work event in a nearby city. She hadn't really wanted to go but decided to make an appearance--for him. 


She arrived and started to mingle with her co-workers and some of the vendors--it got old quick. She took a seat and began to scheme on how to make a graceful exit. That's when Gabrielle sat down beside her. 


Usually, Vivian felt uncomfortable when strangers sat near her, especially when there was available seating elsewhere. But Gabrielle was one of the only other few black women at the whole event, so Viv decided to give her a pass. 


Gabrielle extended her plate, full of chicken wings, meatballs and small snack crackers. 
"Want some?" she offered politely.
"No thank you." Vivian replied, holding up her hand. "I've already eaten." 
"Oh, no problem. I mean, I didn't see you eat anything since you got here, but aight, then." Gabrielle stated in a slightly accusative tone. 
" I ate before I came. I wasn't even sure I wanted to come in the first place." Vivian replied with offense.
"My bad. I wasn't trying to say you were lying...I just didn't see you eat anything." Gabrielle was smiling.


Her change of tone made Vivian chuckle. "I'm sorry, girl. I just don't really want to be here." Vivian explained, as if she were talking to an old friend.
"You don't have to tell me. If I hadn't volunteered to man our vendor table, I wouldn't be here, either." Gabrielle's smile had completely taken over her face. It lifted Vivian's spirit. 
"The things we do for men." Gabrielle said. 
"I know, huh?" sighed Vivian. 


There was a pause between them that hung in the air for a moment. As if, their mind meld required the utmost silence. 


"Girl, if you ONLY knew." Gabrielle said, half hoping that Vivian did want to know. 
"I'm not trying to be up in your business like that. I don't even know your name!" chuckled Vivian, nervously. 
"Oh, I'm Gabrielle. You can call me Gabby, though." 
"Nice to meet you Gabby. I'm Vivian. You can call me Viv." 
"Cool, Viv. Nice to meet you." Gabrielle said.


"Shoot, now I AM hungry." burst Vivian. "Can I have a wing?" 
"Girl, those wings are gone!" laughed Gabrielle. "I can show you which booth has the best ones. C'mon."


The ladies walked over to a red and gold booth, advertising the best wings in the city. 


"Hi, can I help you? What would you like?" said the petite young woman at the booth. "My name is Jacqueline and I make the best wings in the city. Which flavor would ya'll like to try today?"

Rants of A Single Woman Edition #1

This rant is a mixture of my personal feelings and the feelings of the women I talk to occasionally. Technically, there's no malice in my words. I am not trying to "man-bash" --per se but LATELY I find that men have had a LOT to say about women. I just wanna do MY part to balance out the equation. As a precaution, let me go ahead and state that this "rant" will be offensive to some. *smile*

Why can't you see your part in our break up? Do you NOT remember making me feel like an after thought? Why is it that you're mad at ME? I'm looking out for myself. How long did you think I would wait around for you to get it together? Why did you think I was just playing when I TOLD you that I was getting tired of the mistreatment? Are you kidding me?


 Why do you look at me like I hurt YOUR feelings? Remember that time you told me that you were just being honest? Well, I'm being honest, too. Yeah, you're back...but it'll NEVER be like it was. That situation is DEAD. I gave you a chance to act on your flowery words of love and commitment...and you CHOSE the other chick. So, NO, I don't wanna hear about how you love me now. Your words mean ABSOLUTELY nothing.

Okay, so, I can't EVER come to your house but you expect to drop everything and just be available whenever you want to come over? Soooo, you think I'm going to just put my life on hold for you? What have you invested in our thing to make you think that that's okay? NO, I'm NOT staying home this weekend. WHY can't YOU be available on a WEDNESDAY? Oh, because you're busy.?? Well, I'm busy too. No, I will not be answering my phone every ten minutes--just because you wanna blow up my phone. Stop it. When I can't reach YOU, I should just understand. When you can't reach ME, I'm doing you soooo wrong. I will not support your double standard. Kick rocks.

What?! You wanna tell me you're in love with me NOW??!! You couldn't say NOTHING to me when I lived in town but now that I live TWO STATES away you wanna communicate your feelings? Good Grief. Wait, you want me to move BACK?!! Have you lost your mind?!! What part of "MY NEW LIFE" do you NOT understand? You haven't given up ANYTHING. Why can't YOU move down here? Because of YOUR job. OH, so I'm down here just VOLUNTEERING, huh? Yeah, okay. I will NOT be re-arranging my life based on your whim. No, sir. You'll have to do better than that.


Why are you asking me for money? You have TWO JOBS! I have one job AND I have to support my CHILDREN by myself! No, it doesn't mean I don't love you but why do you want to TAKE MY MONEY? I never ask you for money. You're always talking about how "ain't no woman gonna use you"...but you have NO PROBLEM using me. Um, I think we're done here. No, I can buy equipment to do what you do for me. Thank you.

So, you don't think I do ANYTHING FOR THIS HOUSEHOLD? I shouldn't ask for money when we get divorced? Why are you fussing and ducking me? You don't think your children deserve child support? You're the one who was out there. I just want to get the financial help for the kids that YOU and I made together. If you wanna punish me for leaving, you'll have to come up with something else. Besides, if you see another man with YOUR children, you'll have a fit. Don't trip. Pay me.

*sighs* <<<----Emotional Exhale for the women out there who get what I'm talking about.

Don't get me wrong, I KNOW there are Ratchety women out there who do men wrong. Fortunately, today, this entry isn't about those women.

THE NAYSAYERS, THE HATERS AND THE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICS—KNOW THE DIFFERENCE AND REACT ACCORDINGLY.

 As Dreamers and Risk Takers, we all deal with people who will never share our vision. It comes with the territory. If you can’t accept that part of the Game, then get out of it and sit down. If everyone had vision, tenacity and the “cajones” to step out in faith and be extraordinary, then there wouldn’t BE a need for the “EXTRA.”

Clearly, most people are content to stay “ordinary,” to take no chances and only deal with certainty of a “sure thing.” To be fair, there will always be people who jump from one thing to another---always claiming to be on the brink of discovering the “next big thing.” Everyone has a cousin or an uncle who is always looking for an investment in their new venture…even though they still owe folks for that LAST venture that went bust.

So, yeah…sometimes it is US-- we are off track, going in the wrong direction or not thinking clearly. Sometimes, though, it’s the OTHER person’s issue and they should kindly go and kick rocks because their negativity adds NO VALUE .





Before you give up or get mad, you should learn who you are dealing with. You need to know when you are facing a Naysayer, a Hater or a Constructive Critic and REACT ACCORDINGLY.


Check out the definitions and necessary reactions to each one:

1. A naysayer is someone who is AGGRESSIVELY NEGATIVE and RELENTLESSLY PESSIMISTIC. These people will be against whatever you are planning to do, regardless of its inherent merit. In their minds, you should IMMEDIATELY cease and desist with your work, art or activity and do something else. It is utterly useless to try and convince a naysayer that what you are doing is positive and worthwhile. Therefore, your reaction should be to ignore them and move on.

2. A hater is an individual who envies your position. Haters: Have Anger Toward Everyone Reaching Success. You can’t worry yourself with haters. “Haters gon’ hate.” Therefore, your reaction should be to allow their hate to be your motivation to do even better.

 3. A constructive critic is a person who supplies you with well meant critiques aimed at helping you IMPROVE your work, art or future endeavors. These people weigh the merits of your goals and dreams. They ask you questions to determine how thought out your plan of actions are. When they see your determination, they are your biggest supporters. Therefore, your reaction should be to listen to their constructive criticism, see how their advice can be a benefit to you and allow them to help you, if need be.


We have all faced negativity. If you haven’t faced negativity yet, give it a minute and you will surely face it soon.

Keep these definitions in mind and determine the type of push back you are dealing with. It will help you better negotiate your next move. Are you ready?

The Mistress Club

*FICTIONAL. Similarities to any person, living or dead is totally coincidental.*

 Club Members: An Introduction

Sidepiece, floozy, gold digger, the other woman, Vivian looked at herself in the mirror and nervously chuckled out loud. She had officially joined the ranks of the women who bore these names. What in the name of all that's sacred was she doing in his bathroom, at his house, at 1:30 in the morning?!! Had she lost her mind?

 Jaqueline watched him as he slept next to her. She loved him so much. She tried to keep it inside but it was getting very difficult to maintain her composure. How could she let him know how she felt without ruining the best relationship she'd ever had? She hadn't meant to fall in love with a married man. It just happened. No one would understand, would they?


As he handed her a check, Gabrielle blew him a kiss. He was so good to her. By "he" she meant his wallet. Yep, this check would cover this month's expenses. She smiled again. "Thank you, Big Daddy." She watched as he began to blush. It was so easy to get a rise out of him. As long as he kept those checks coming, she'd have no problem dealing with his "rise." She walked back over to him and she kissed him softly on the lips. "I'll see you real soon, Big Daddy." Gabrielle turned around and slid into her Mercedes. He tried to kiss her again, but she shut the door and began to speed away. As she pulled off, she looked in her rear-view mirror to watch the look on the older man's face. "Works every time, " she thought to herself.

You Know You Look Like Snuffaluffagus, Right?

I don't always rant and rave about fashion trends. Generally, I don't care...but lately, there's been an epidemic of women falling victim to a Sesame Street Inspired Look: LONG FALSE LASHES!



I LOVE hair, make up and accessories, so I'm not one of these "Soap and Water Only" girls who criticize any other woman who dares wear color on their faces or who chooses to sew in extensions. Girl, do yo' thang!

This blog entry is dedicated to the women who have failed to realize that they are NOT on a video shoot or in a movie or even going out for a NIGHT on the town. These ladies have opted to INSTEAD traipse about during the day, headed out to work for their shift at the local Wally-World, loaded down with OCULAR STREET SWEEPERS.

Mama, WHO are you foolin'? That's not a daytime look. When you enhance with make up and "accessories", it's supposed to look natural. The only time you REALLY need to vamp it up, is at night, when normal lighting will dull your look-so you put on MORE to compensate for the poor lighting.







I have seen women wearing lashes so long that they were unable to see-- so HILARIOUSLY, they were constantly BLINKING and brushing their lashes out of their view! O.M.G. Are you trying to make me stroke out over here??!! GET. IT. TOGETHER.  No, for reals...get them together, they're coming apart...

Let's be real. We, as women, want to look good. Sometimes, we need a little help. I'm all for that. 
I love the way thick lashes look. If you gotta have them, get natural, short ones that fill in what you're lacking and accentuate your eyes. No one is supposed to be able to tell that they're not your lashes, mama.

Yes, I know..I will be LABELED A HATER. *shrugs* That's just what some people say when they're told they're doing something wrong. In this case...I know in my heart of hearts that I'm not hatin'...FAR from it.

In the end, people will do what they do. But um, if you run up on me with 'em...and I start singing ♫♪Sunny day, Sweepin' the Clouds Awaaaay...♫♪ Don't get mad, Snuffy...

I Just CANNOT Get Away

Okay, I attempted to shut this blog down...but apparently, it will NOT go down without a fight! Well, with that sort of tenacity and resilience, I decided to keep it up and post all my mindless dribble on here!

Admit it...you know that makes you happy. (smile)
Nothing pleases people more than to read heartfelt intimate ramblings of celebrities and of people they hardly know but can FEEL like they know, because they know all of their business! LOL I decided to provide the world with such a service.
What can I say, I'm a giver. Don't get me wrong, I won't be posting  ERRY-thang. I have an image to maintain...but as far as revealing a little more of me and ranting on in a sarcastic, smart ass tone about all things and about nothing-- at the same time...HECK YEAH, MAN! I'll all about it.
If you like that...give me a holla and a shout. There'll be way more of this side of things in the near future. So, grab a bag of chips, snack on that...and enjoy!

Phew! Building an EMPIRE ain't easy!

Okay, I've been away a while. I didn't intend to. I really thought about coming and blogging, EVERY DAY. It did not, however, work out like that. At least I wasn't slacking off! Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it, anyway.

I have been off trying to build an empire. (chuckles) Yeah, it was just as weird writing it as it is for you to read that.

Here's the thing: Not everyone will admit they want to build an empire, because then people tend to look at them like they're delusional---and who wants that?


I DON'T have a problem saying it. People already think I'm delusional...so I might as well. *smile*


I don't want anything on the scale of international notoriety or fame or anything. No, I just want to make money in all of the areas that interest me and influence people for the better. You can interpret THAT however you want to. I'm just sayin'...

If you know me, you already know that I love FOOD, I love WORDS, LANGUAGE and LEARNING and I love MUSIC.

I figure I should at least TRY to create a business with each of my LOVES in mind. What do you think?

So, I have to earn a living. Never was an empire built without financial backing of some kind. Luckily, my "job" helps me cultivate my love for WORDS, LANGUAGE and LEARNING. I get to do daycare from my home EVERYDAY. I love imparting knowledge to those little ones and watching them develop into big boys and girls who KNOW some stuff! That's totally awesome. I would have never thought I'd be a proud Child Care Provider working for myself. I love A SISTER'S CARE...it means a lot to me.

I'm very excited about my venture into family style meal planning and small event support (aka Catering). I think that my website is cool:

www.deesweekendgig.webs.com. I call it DEE'S WEEKEND GIG because, seriously...it's a job I'll do on the weekend. It's my side-hustle. Who's with me?!

I can't pretend like I MAKE music because I don't. I LOVE music and hope to help the ones who DO make music get their music heard by a lot of people. I'm so proud of HORSEMEN PRODUCTIONS, LLC and the talented men behind the name. We're working to make music happen in the Carolinas and everywhere, very soon! Being an independent label and music production company may be just the beginning. Follow us and see!

www.horsemenproductions919.webs.com.

What can I say? I encourage ANYONE who has a dream or a vision of a side-gig to go get it started. Why not? What's really stopping you? What's the worse that could happen? Okay, don't answer that one...

*stands on a mountain top* OOOOOH, WHAT GLORIOUS TIMES ARE UPON US!! hahahahaaaa!! The (local) world is mine for the taking!!

Wow, that was really corny. But on the inside, that's totally what I'm feeling. LOL

Oh, no you didn't! ...my personal rant about the nerve of folks...

So, I know I'm not alone in wanting to hit some people in their mouth. I'm a very calm person but there are times, when I wish I could just punch people in their throat for their audacity--their nerve.

What makes some people think that they can just say whatever they feel like saying to other people? ESPECIALLY, if they are strangers...

Do people not realize that it is not their place to worry and wonder about other folks' business? For example, I remember one time I was sitting down in a waiting room, with my infant son, when this woman came up to me and asked me, if my son was my own. I replied that he was, to which the lady further inquired whether or not my son's father was hispanic or White or....to quote "very, very light-skinned."<<----Um...that's none of your business. OH, but she wasn't done! This "heffa" proceeded to ask me, if I was married and if I WASN'T ...then Oh, what a shame THAT was! Yeah, I know, right?!!

This is just ONE example. I'm sure I could pull out many more. You know why? Oh, I'll tell you why...because there is an EPIDEMIC of people cursed with the urge to say the most inappropriate things!

You know what's worse? These SAME people would be sooo offended, if you would do the same to them. You know the types...the "can dish it out but can't take it" types. The ones who have so many skeletons in their closet, they could host a Halloween Yard Sale! They would NEVER be so bold as to admit to their flaws, but LORDY BE, will they highlight all of yours!

Nothing is worse than coming across someone who asks a question, in order to try and embarrass you or put you on the spot. But you know what? I've made a commitment...I've got something for these people...I'm not answering nothing, FIRST...I'm asking THEM the same question, watching them react and THEN deciding if I'll answer them or not. They better get ready.

I hope that I don't come across anyone like this any time soon. If YOU do, then I suggest you take up the charge and hold your rubber band shield up high...BE RUBBER to their GLUE...whatever they say...well...you know what to do.

QUICK Week Night Meal: Pepper Steak

I'm going to see how simple it is to post pics and run through a recipe. I encounter a lot of people who are intimidated by the prospect of cooking. It can be daunting, if you've never really been one to "throw down" in the kitchen. It doesn't have to be overwhelming. You just need some simple go-to recipes and a few handy techniques that can be used over and over and OVER again...until you get comfortable enough to buy a cook book and ACTUALLY USE the recipes found inside. (smile)

I'm starting with this recipe because this is what I actually made for dinner, tonight. I bought the beef on sale and I had left over Bell peppers and I ALWAYS have ONIONS, GARLIC, FLOUR AND BROTHS on hand. <<---Get like me!


Okay, First you need a thin steak---minute steaks work perfectly. Cut these steaks into strips AGAINST THE GRAIN. Season them with Salt, Pepper, Garlic and Onion Powder...to taste. I'd say about 1 tsp each, if you're cutting up a point of steak. Set the steak aside...

Next, cut up about one and a  half Green Bell Peppers, One medium Onion and about 2 cloves of garlic. Whether you chop up the vegetables into medium chunks or cut them lengthwise, is up to you...I cut mine lengthwise.

Okay...Set the vegetables aside. Now,  you need to heat a large skillet or wok up and add about 2 tbsp of vegetable oil to it. Stir in the meat--in batches and sear it quickly, then remove the meat (do NOT place the meat in the same dish it was held in, while it was raw) and place the vegetables in the skillet or wok. Add salt and pepper to the vegetables and let them saute for about 5 minutes. Remove the vegetables --you can place them where ever you were keeping the meat.


I prefer a sauce/gravy for my pepper steak...so let's get to that.



After you've removed the veggies, you will need to put some more oil in your pan. I would use about 3 tbsp. Let the oil heat up a little, then add about 2 tbsp of All Purpose flour.

Cook this mixture (called a Roux) for about a minute or two...it should get thicker and browner...

Season your Roux...salt, pepper, garlic and onion powder work very well. Add some beef stock...

Now, add your meat and vegetables back into your roux and cook them for about another 2 minutes. This will allow the meat to fully cook, without becoming dry and tough and also mix the flavors together well. Yummy...

I happened to have had some rice already on hand from the night before but it's up to you...egg noodles, rice...bread...it's all good. Just eat!

 

ENJOY! 

Age is NOT Just a Number...

I have to give credit to "slogan-creators." They're evil geniuses. People will repeat a slogan or a saying with no thought to its inception or purpose. They just repeat it, over and over again.

I feel that way about the old saying that "Age is nothing but a number."

Here's my thought: If you can't apply the slogan to every situation, you probably should stop saying it. LOL

Age, to me, is more than a number. It's a great indicator of the amount of life experience, brain development and maturity that a person could have accumulated at a particular point in their time on Earth.

I know that people will say, "But Danielle, I'm or this person is VERY MATURE FOR (insert age here)." Yeah, uh huh...I hear ya.

Let's briefly talk about what MATURITY is. According to the dictionary, maturity indicates Full development...that's a little vague...so let's talk about what it is in a social function.

Maturity indicates Wisdom and Self-Control. Wisdom is the application of knowledge from past experiences, in a situation, as to  not repeat the same behavior or thought processes that caused one to FAIL in the past. Self-control, many times is based on the full development of one's frontal lobe, right?? (hey, you're welcome to look it up.) So, very little can be done to speed up BRAIN DEVELOPMENT. C'mon...think about it.


Now, seriously...the average person in the West, especially the United States,  has NOT experienced enough life in their years to make them mature beyond their years. The average person hasn't dealt with loss, hardship or long term responsibility over and above any other person their age. So what catalyst has been introduced in their life to cause them to HAVE to gain wisdom or speed up the development of their frontal lobe, causing them to have such a great level of Self-Control?? <----Exactly. Nothing.

I think people confuse being smart and/or intelligent with being mature. (shrugs) There is a big difference between being really smart and really mature.

Now, let's talk about the OTHER thing I brought up at the beginning of this---the whole "if you can't apply a slogan to all situations..." thing...

You CANNOT apply the "Age is nothing but a number" to all situations. Before I delve into the gross ones, let me just mention some reasonable and logical ones...

When does Age begin to NOT matter? Is there a point when someone isn't too young to get in on this deal? Because my 10 year old would like to sign a contract...

Is there Gap-Insurance on the Age thing? Ya know...as long as the years between two people trying to do something together isn't TOO BIG, can they do what they want? Because this 16 year old boy would love to go to Jamaica with his 49 year old girlfriend.

Naw, never mind, there's NO need to go into the really gross examples. You get the point.

Here's what I'm saying: Age does matter. It is a great way to get an initial gauge on where someone is in their development and in their life experience.

One's age tells you what world events have shaped their life and view of the world, what social and entertainment happenings are relevant to them and what type of responsibility they are generally able to handle. That's a lot.

I just wish that more people would listen to what they're saying before repeating some slogan and painting a situation with such a broad brush...Really that's all I want...

You Can't Hate Men and Raise a Son...

Yeah, I'm fully aware that many women will argue me down on a couple of points. First point that is generally argued: "I don't HATE men." <-----Yes, you do. You're just in denial. I've spoken with you and I've listened to you...You hate men.  Second point that is argued: "My feelings about men have NOTHING to do with my son, I'm a good mother."  <-----Debatable. Your feelings about men in general and your feelings toward past mate will be transferred to your son, whether you believe me or not.

Okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's talk about it...

I've never been married, so my point of view is as a single mom and I'm speaking specifically to other single mothers.

With that being said, let's narrow down the focus and most frequent cause of the Man-hate-----The Failure of your relationship with your son's father.  Whether you hate ALL men or just your "baby-daddy"...your hurt and bitterness is an issue and it's something that has to be dealt with before you can move on and deal with your son(s) on a level as children needing to be reared and nurtured. 

First, you're going to have to mourn the loss of the relationship, accept that you and he couldn't make it work, forgive him for all the stupid and hurtful stuff he did to you AND THEN you're going to have to admit that you, too, had a role to play in your break-up---no matter how much you and your girlfriends SAY you didn't, while ya'll sit around over drinks, watching (insert Man-Bashing themed movie title here). You weren't perfect, either and you did some stupid and hurtful stuff TO that MAN, also. <------Yeah, TOTALLY sucky stage to go through...but OH SO necessary.

Now, if you have no Daddy Issues, then maybe you don't have to go any further but if you're like ME and THOUSANDS of other women then you need to forgive your Dad for all the stupid and hurtful things he did to you, too and recognize that much of what happened with your father, when you were a child is NOT YOUR fault but FORGIVENESS is a blessing NOT a curse.  You also have to realize that Fathers, whether good, bad, indifferent or even ABSENT are the templates for which we draw on every future relationship. 

Phew! That's rough. It's a tear jerky place to be and it hurts like the dickens but we aren't made of stone. If you let your heart become stone, then you'll block out the love of your son, too...(I'm just sayin'...)

So, let's say you've cried, admitted that you're hurt and have done the necessary work on your emotions--now what? Well, it's time to digest some more hard truths: MEN AND WOMEN ARE NOT THE SAME. YOUR SON IS A MAN and YOU ARE A WOMAN. <------seems obvious but booooy, I can't tell you how many mothers treat their sons like their daughters. (SMH)

From birth your son has been a man. Oh yes, the package is small but trust me, there's a man in there! His brain is wired completely different. It's not a value judgment. Different isn't good or bad, it's just DIFFERENT.

Okay, have you absorbed that information into your very being, yet? Good, because the thing is, if you haven't really begun to like men, in general, you're not going to like your son.

The more he turns into the form that you recognize as a man, the less you will be able to deal with him in a loving way. You'll hate dealing with him, you won't relate to him, he'll "get on your nerves"...etc, etc. And you know what?? Your son will FEEL THAT REJECTION, that disapproval and that disappointment--all coming from YOU, his own mother.

As Mother and a Woman, YOU are HIS template for which he will draw on every future relationship. He will expect that all women will reject, disapprove or be disappointed in him. He will expect to have some sort of conflict with EVERY woman. Seriously, do you think that's fair to him?

So, here's my point: Get it together, chick. As mothers we have such a burden on us. We have to be sooo much more than we were before we had our sons. We have to be more self-LESS than we ever thought possible. That's just the way it is.

Let's get passed the man-bashing. Let's get to the inner-healing and emotional wholeness and well-being. Let's raise these sons to be productive and GOOD MEN. We gotta stop the hate.

...then I realized I was addicted...

It's friggin' true, man. One day, I woke up to realize that I had this odd yearning to broadcast myself and all of my thoughts to an abstract "world" of people I either know just a little or not really at all. (SMH) Yeah, Facebook, Youtube, this mess I'm doing now, Myspace---all of it...I'm a victim of our ultra-voyeuristic world. I can't help it.

I tried to deny it...but then I realized that these sites can be used as a very helpful way to disseminate information to many people about many things, very quickly. Seeeee, that's how they get ya!

It draws you in, you want to know when Aunt Sally's gonna have that wedding shower for "what's her face." You have NO intention of attending the shower...you just can't wait to browse through all the pictures! And, you're not even worried that you're up at 3 am, checkin' them out!


I admit, I've been better in the last two years with wishing people "Happy Birthday" than I've ever been IN MY LIFE because Facebook reminds me. That's just sad..LOL...it's true, though.

When I tell my mother that I was speaking to someone about something, she asks, "Did you ACTUALLY speak to them or were you CHATTING online with them?" See, to her there's still a difference. (sighs) She's just sooo old skool. (smile)

Even with the knowledge that ever key stroke I type is monitored and recorded by "Big Brother" and that I HATE being tracked...I still do it...that's called "Cognitive Dissonance", everybody--in case you didn't know. It's when you hold two opposing views in your mind at the same time. With all the pictures of myself and all the information I've voluntarily listed online ...I CAN NEVER go "underground"...(sighs). Oh, well.

I knew it was bad when something funny would happen and I thought to myself.."Oh, I'm totally posting this on my status." <------You know you do it, too!

So, what am I gonna do about this addiction I have? Absolutely nothing. I know the first step is admitting that you have a problem...but ...what's the point of trying to share within the "circle of trust" if everyone's updating their statuses and uploading photos while you're talking??

TESTING: 1, 2, 3... DEE'S New Adventure...

Sooo....I ramble to myself all the time. No one who knows me is surprised by this fact, AT ALL. I figure between my ramblings, my inability to respond to ANYTHING in short answer form and the fact that people like to ask me my opinion on things---I should TOTALLY blog and answer people's questions. Why not? (shrugs)

I'm excited to see what will (if anything) happen with this. It's on my bucket list, so now is as good of a time as any...