Where were they? What was taking them so long? Vivian looked at her watch impatiently.
It didn't usually take the girls this long to show up for drinks. They were never on time--but never this late.
What could be the problem? Vivian wondered to herself.
Just then, Jacqueline and Gabrielle walked in, looking irritated and disheveled.
"What in the world happened to ya'll? Vivian asked, genuinely concerned.
Jacqueline glanced behind her, before answering.
"Uuuggh! Mark happened." She replied. "Gabby was waiting to pick me up, when Mark rolled up to my house all with attitude. Apparently, someone told him that they saw me at the club last Sunday, hugged up with some random dude. So, Mark showed up to make sure that it wasn't true. TRANSLATION: He wanted to argue and accuse me of being hugged up with some random dude!"
Vivian and Gabrielle shook their heads.
"Oh, he's back on that again?" asked Vivian.
Things with Jacqueline and Mark were always VERY dramatic.
Gabrielle sighed and patted the top of her head. "For a married man, he sure is rather possessive."
Jacqueline rolled her eyes at Gabrielle. "I know you're not gonna start with me, today."
Gabrielle feigned shock. "I'm only stating a fact. Don't get all upset with me. I'm not the one running up on you like a gangsta. Humph!"
Gabrielle had a valid point. Jacqueline conceded. "Yeah, okay. I guess I need to get things straight with him--Again. I can't keep going through this."
It was a common topic of discussion amongst the three friends: the mistress/husband double standard. How is it that they could have their wives but the other women were expected to remain dateless?
Jacqueline and Gabrielle had finally settled at the table with Vivian.
Vivian looked over to her girlfriends and smiled. How strange that they were so different yet the commonality of their romantic situations made them as thick as thieves.
Vivian thought back to how they had met each other five years ago.
She had attended a work event in a nearby city. She hadn't really wanted to go but decided to make an appearance--for him.
She arrived and started to mingle with her co-workers and some of the vendors--it got old quick. She took a seat and began to scheme on how to make a graceful exit. That's when Gabrielle sat down beside her.
Usually, Vivian felt uncomfortable when strangers sat near her, especially when there was available seating elsewhere. But Gabrielle was one of the only other few black women at the whole event, so Viv decided to give her a pass.
Gabrielle extended her plate, full of chicken wings, meatballs and small snack crackers.
"Want some?" she offered politely.
"No thank you." Vivian replied, holding up her hand. "I've already eaten."
"Oh, no problem. I mean, I didn't see you eat anything since you got here, but aight, then." Gabrielle stated in a slightly accusative tone.
" I ate before I came. I wasn't even sure I wanted to come in the first place." Vivian replied with offense.
"My bad. I wasn't trying to say you were lying...I just didn't see you eat anything." Gabrielle was smiling.
Her change of tone made Vivian chuckle. "I'm sorry, girl. I just don't really want to be here." Vivian explained, as if she were talking to an old friend.
"You don't have to tell me. If I hadn't volunteered to man our vendor table, I wouldn't be here, either." Gabrielle's smile had completely taken over her face. It lifted Vivian's spirit.
"The things we do for men." Gabrielle said.
"I know, huh?" sighed Vivian.
There was a pause between them that hung in the air for a moment. As if, their mind meld required the utmost silence.
"Girl, if you ONLY knew." Gabrielle said, half hoping that Vivian did want to know.
"I'm not trying to be up in your business like that. I don't even know your name!" chuckled Vivian, nervously.
"Oh, I'm Gabrielle. You can call me Gabby, though."
"Nice to meet you Gabby. I'm Vivian. You can call me Viv."
"Cool, Viv. Nice to meet you." Gabrielle said.
"Shoot, now I AM hungry." burst Vivian. "Can I have a wing?"
"Girl, those wings are gone!" laughed Gabrielle. "I can show you which booth has the best ones. C'mon."
The ladies walked over to a red and gold booth, advertising the best wings in the city.
"Hi, can I help you? What would you like?" said the petite young woman at the booth. "My name is Jacqueline and I make the best wings in the city. Which flavor would ya'll like to try today?"
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Rants of A Single Woman Edition #1
This rant is a mixture of my personal feelings and the feelings of the women I talk to occasionally. Technically, there's no malice in my words. I am not trying to "man-bash" --per se but LATELY I find that men have had a LOT to say about women. I just wanna do MY part to balance out the equation. As a precaution, let me go ahead and state that this "rant" will be offensive to some. *smile*
Why can't you see your part in our break up? Do you NOT remember making me feel like an after thought? Why is it that you're mad at ME? I'm looking out for myself. How long did you think I would wait around for you to get it together? Why did you think I was just playing when I TOLD you that I was getting tired of the mistreatment? Are you kidding me?
Why do you look at me like I hurt YOUR feelings? Remember that time you told me that you were just being honest? Well, I'm being honest, too. Yeah, you're back...but it'll NEVER be like it was. That situation is DEAD. I gave you a chance to act on your flowery words of love and commitment...and you CHOSE the other chick. So, NO, I don't wanna hear about how you love me now. Your words mean ABSOLUTELY nothing.
Okay, so, I can't EVER come to your house but you expect to drop everything and just be available whenever you want to come over? Soooo, you think I'm going to just put my life on hold for you? What have you invested in our thing to make you think that that's okay? NO, I'm NOT staying home this weekend. WHY can't YOU be available on a WEDNESDAY? Oh, because you're busy.?? Well, I'm busy too. No, I will not be answering my phone every ten minutes--just because you wanna blow up my phone. Stop it. When I can't reach YOU, I should just understand. When you can't reach ME, I'm doing you soooo wrong. I will not support your double standard. Kick rocks.
What?! You wanna tell me you're in love with me NOW??!! You couldn't say NOTHING to me when I lived in town but now that I live TWO STATES away you wanna communicate your feelings? Good Grief. Wait, you want me to move BACK?!! Have you lost your mind?!! What part of "MY NEW LIFE" do you NOT understand? You haven't given up ANYTHING. Why can't YOU move down here? Because of YOUR job. OH, so I'm down here just VOLUNTEERING, huh? Yeah, okay. I will NOT be re-arranging my life based on your whim. No, sir. You'll have to do better than that.
Why are you asking me for money? You have TWO JOBS! I have one job AND I have to support my CHILDREN by myself! No, it doesn't mean I don't love you but why do you want to TAKE MY MONEY? I never ask you for money. You're always talking about how "ain't no woman gonna use you"...but you have NO PROBLEM using me. Um, I think we're done here. No, I can buy equipment to do what you do for me. Thank you.
So, you don't think I do ANYTHING FOR THIS HOUSEHOLD? I shouldn't ask for money when we get divorced? Why are you fussing and ducking me? You don't think your children deserve child support? You're the one who was out there. I just want to get the financial help for the kids that YOU and I made together. If you wanna punish me for leaving, you'll have to come up with something else. Besides, if you see another man with YOUR children, you'll have a fit. Don't trip. Pay me.
*sighs* <<<----Emotional Exhale for the women out there who get what I'm talking about.
Don't get me wrong, I KNOW there are Ratchety women out there who do men wrong. Fortunately, today, this entry isn't about those women.
Why can't you see your part in our break up? Do you NOT remember making me feel like an after thought? Why is it that you're mad at ME? I'm looking out for myself. How long did you think I would wait around for you to get it together? Why did you think I was just playing when I TOLD you that I was getting tired of the mistreatment? Are you kidding me?
Why do you look at me like I hurt YOUR feelings? Remember that time you told me that you were just being honest? Well, I'm being honest, too. Yeah, you're back...but it'll NEVER be like it was. That situation is DEAD. I gave you a chance to act on your flowery words of love and commitment...and you CHOSE the other chick. So, NO, I don't wanna hear about how you love me now. Your words mean ABSOLUTELY nothing.
Okay, so, I can't EVER come to your house but you expect to drop everything and just be available whenever you want to come over? Soooo, you think I'm going to just put my life on hold for you? What have you invested in our thing to make you think that that's okay? NO, I'm NOT staying home this weekend. WHY can't YOU be available on a WEDNESDAY? Oh, because you're busy.?? Well, I'm busy too. No, I will not be answering my phone every ten minutes--just because you wanna blow up my phone. Stop it. When I can't reach YOU, I should just understand. When you can't reach ME, I'm doing you soooo wrong. I will not support your double standard. Kick rocks.
What?! You wanna tell me you're in love with me NOW??!! You couldn't say NOTHING to me when I lived in town but now that I live TWO STATES away you wanna communicate your feelings? Good Grief. Wait, you want me to move BACK?!! Have you lost your mind?!! What part of "MY NEW LIFE" do you NOT understand? You haven't given up ANYTHING. Why can't YOU move down here? Because of YOUR job. OH, so I'm down here just VOLUNTEERING, huh? Yeah, okay. I will NOT be re-arranging my life based on your whim. No, sir. You'll have to do better than that.
Why are you asking me for money? You have TWO JOBS! I have one job AND I have to support my CHILDREN by myself! No, it doesn't mean I don't love you but why do you want to TAKE MY MONEY? I never ask you for money. You're always talking about how "ain't no woman gonna use you"...but you have NO PROBLEM using me. Um, I think we're done here. No, I can buy equipment to do what you do for me. Thank you.
So, you don't think I do ANYTHING FOR THIS HOUSEHOLD? I shouldn't ask for money when we get divorced? Why are you fussing and ducking me? You don't think your children deserve child support? You're the one who was out there. I just want to get the financial help for the kids that YOU and I made together. If you wanna punish me for leaving, you'll have to come up with something else. Besides, if you see another man with YOUR children, you'll have a fit. Don't trip. Pay me.
*sighs* <<<----Emotional Exhale for the women out there who get what I'm talking about.
Don't get me wrong, I KNOW there are Ratchety women out there who do men wrong. Fortunately, today, this entry isn't about those women.
Monday, March 5, 2012
THE NAYSAYERS, THE HATERS AND THE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICS—KNOW THE DIFFERENCE AND REACT ACCORDINGLY.
As Dreamers and Risk Takers, we all deal with people who will never share our vision. It comes with the territory. If you can’t accept that part of the Game, then get out of it and sit down. If everyone had vision, tenacity and the “cajones” to step out in faith and be extraordinary, then there wouldn’t BE a need for the “EXTRA.”
Clearly, most people are content to stay “ordinary,” to take no chances and only deal with certainty of a “sure thing.” To be fair, there will always be people who jump from one thing to another---always claiming to be on the brink of discovering the “next big thing.” Everyone has a cousin or an uncle who is always looking for an investment in their new venture…even though they still owe folks for that LAST venture that went bust.
So, yeah…sometimes it is US-- we are off track, going in the wrong
direction or not thinking clearly.
Sometimes, though, it’s the OTHER person’s issue and they should kindly
go and kick rocks because their negativity adds NO VALUE .
Before you give up or get mad, you should learn who you are dealing with. You need to know when you are facing a Naysayer, a Hater or a Constructive Critic and REACT ACCORDINGLY.
Check out the definitions and necessary reactions to each one:
1. A naysayer is someone who is AGGRESSIVELY NEGATIVE and RELENTLESSLY PESSIMISTIC. These people will be against whatever you are planning to do, regardless of its inherent merit. In their minds, you should IMMEDIATELY cease and desist with your work, art or activity and do something else. It is utterly useless to try and convince a naysayer that what you are doing is positive and worthwhile. Therefore, your reaction should be to ignore them and move on.
2. A hater is an individual who envies your position. Haters: Have Anger Toward Everyone Reaching Success. You can’t worry yourself with haters. “Haters gon’ hate.” Therefore, your reaction should be to allow their hate to be your motivation to do even better.
3. A constructive critic is a person who supplies you with well meant critiques aimed at helping you IMPROVE your work, art or future endeavors. These people weigh the merits of your goals and dreams. They ask you questions to determine how thought out your plan of actions are. When they see your determination, they are your biggest supporters. Therefore, your reaction should be to listen to their constructive criticism, see how their advice can be a benefit to you and allow them to help you, if need be.
We have all faced negativity. If you haven’t faced negativity yet, give it a minute and you will surely face it soon.
Keep these definitions in mind and determine the type of push back you are dealing with. It will help you better negotiate your next move. Are you ready?
As Dreamers and Risk Takers, we all deal with people who will never share our vision. It comes with the territory. If you can’t accept that part of the Game, then get out of it and sit down. If everyone had vision, tenacity and the “cajones” to step out in faith and be extraordinary, then there wouldn’t BE a need for the “EXTRA.”
Clearly, most people are content to stay “ordinary,” to take no chances and only deal with certainty of a “sure thing.” To be fair, there will always be people who jump from one thing to another---always claiming to be on the brink of discovering the “next big thing.” Everyone has a cousin or an uncle who is always looking for an investment in their new venture…even though they still owe folks for that LAST venture that went bust.
Before you give up or get mad, you should learn who you are dealing with. You need to know when you are facing a Naysayer, a Hater or a Constructive Critic and REACT ACCORDINGLY.
Check out the definitions and necessary reactions to each one:
1. A naysayer is someone who is AGGRESSIVELY NEGATIVE and RELENTLESSLY PESSIMISTIC. These people will be against whatever you are planning to do, regardless of its inherent merit. In their minds, you should IMMEDIATELY cease and desist with your work, art or activity and do something else. It is utterly useless to try and convince a naysayer that what you are doing is positive and worthwhile. Therefore, your reaction should be to ignore them and move on.
2. A hater is an individual who envies your position. Haters: Have Anger Toward Everyone Reaching Success. You can’t worry yourself with haters. “Haters gon’ hate.” Therefore, your reaction should be to allow their hate to be your motivation to do even better.
3. A constructive critic is a person who supplies you with well meant critiques aimed at helping you IMPROVE your work, art or future endeavors. These people weigh the merits of your goals and dreams. They ask you questions to determine how thought out your plan of actions are. When they see your determination, they are your biggest supporters. Therefore, your reaction should be to listen to their constructive criticism, see how their advice can be a benefit to you and allow them to help you, if need be.
We have all faced negativity. If you haven’t faced negativity yet, give it a minute and you will surely face it soon.
Keep these definitions in mind and determine the type of push back you are dealing with. It will help you better negotiate your next move. Are you ready?
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