I need to issue a disclaimer for this blog entry. Well, I suppose it's more of an announcement than a disclaimer...but I digress.
I need to state, for the record, that I am NOT a free-loving kind of person. It takes a lot for me to fall in love. I'm not one of those people who HAS to be involved with someone, in order to feel special.
I'm not a typical "chick." Here's what I mean:
1. I HATE chick-flicky, romantical comedies or romance-y fuzzy love fest movies of any kind.
2. I very rarely say "I love you, " first.
3. I have NEVER envisioned my entire wedding day...and I think it's creepy when women go on and on about their wedding, when they don't even have boyfriend prospects.
Now, with that being said, I think that love is very important. I believe that it's a decision and an action word more so than a feeling. I think that feelings change like the wind but that love is a constant---until you decide to let it go. Even then, I think that once you fall in love with someone, a little piece of that love can still remain between two people. I also think that HATE is NOT the opposite of love. APATHY is the opposite of love. Hate is just Love twisted inside out.
Okay...now onto my thoughts on That "One" Love:
I have come to a personal conclusion. In my opinion, you (the hypothetical "you") will only have ONE super deep, soul searing love in your life.
This ONE love will make it impossible for any future loves to get as close- ever again.
I don't know why. I'm no expert. I just record my own experiences & observe things in others.
It's human nature to protect oneself from circumstances that have previously caused injury. It's why we don't touch a hot stove (on purpose) once we've been burned the first time.
Therefore, I believe that should that "one" love end with hurt and pain, you won't love that way a second time.
Let me define this "one" love that I speak of.
This love:
is carefree
is a seed that sinks to the deepest place of your heart and grows near the core of your entire being
is a love that surprises you
is a love that comes in like the wildest & strongest infatuation but lingers well after "puppy love" should expire
is where you love someone DESPITE & BECAUSE OF their flaws, at the same time
is where you hate to love them & never tire of them
is without caution or reservations
is where you let them peer into the most sacred & darkest corners of your heart & reveal to them the secrets that you never allow anyone to see & they do the same
is where you share ever detail of every thought you have, no matter how jacked up and twisted without fear because this person really SEES you & they're not afraid .
is where you can debate and argue and fuss but you never get sick of hearing their points of view
is where you see yourself with them for eternity without even thinking twice.
If you're lucky & blessed enough to have this person stay with you forever--good for you, well done, fantastic! But, if you're like most of us, this probably won't happen.
People are people...and sometimes things don't work out. It sucks...and the heartbreak that this type of love creates is almost without comparison...and it brings me to my point.
Should your "one" love end, I guarantee no one will be able to make you feel this way again.
I'm not saying you'll never fall in love again. I think that it's possible to fall in love many times. I just believe that once you have had THIS love...if you EVER break up with that person...you will never open up the same way afterwards.
Losing that "one" love is like having a tsunami hit the shore of your soul and destroy everything you built there. Some say that they literally felt their heart split in half. I think that your heart breaks so hard that the devastation leaves a deep and permanent scar on your psyche.
It's a pain that no one is willing to endure more than ONCE.
I think any subsequent loves you have will be markedly different. The next loves will NOT be the carefree, soul exposing love you had before.
I believe the scar left by that "one" love will not allow for anyone else to reach those certain depths--like real scar tissue...they cover a place that was once tender and easily exposed.
Even if you fall in love and call the new love your soul mate.
How can you call anyone after that "one" love your soul mate? You ask... Easy...your criteria for a mate will have changed.
You can find someone else to be close to. They will make you laugh. You'll be very compatible. You'll get along with their family & friends and you'll thoroughly enjoy each other intimately...yep, all of that.
You'll let the next love in...but not THAT far in.You won't open yourself up and give as much of yourself as you did before. No way.
If you are in a place where you still have to deal with the person with whom you shared that "one" love, you know it can be tricky, especially, if you still get along. You have to be careful...
They still make you weak. They still know how to push your buttons.
God forbid you two still have a mutual, physical attraction...that's the worst. You will find yourself either giving in or doing a loooooooooot of work to avoid certain situations.
Your current love may even recognize what's going on. They may say things like "The way you look at them is different from the way you look at me." Of course YOU'LL say "Don't be ridiculous." or something like that...but on the inside...you know they're right...
Anyway...the point of my love rant is this: You'll only get this love one time...just once. I don't know why...that's just the way it is....
I don't think that this love has to be your FIRST love. I also don't think that two people will necessarily be that "one" love to each other at the same time. Sometimes, one person is in that "one" love...while they're partner has already had that "one" love and YOU are their subsequent love...so they're not giving you all of them.
I think that's why there is so much heart break. I think if two people match love for love, they will be so linked that the odds are in their favor. They will probably stay together. However, if there's a mismatch...well...no need to re-hash my point...you get it.
So, go ahead, feel free to love. Just remember to be selective with who you give your heart to. It's only gonna be tender one time. I guarantee it.
